Dave Strider Quotes

"Not kicking Oliver Twist in the f*cking face is my gift to the world I guess."

"It's sharp and it's awesome and it's a sword. End of story."

"Just once I'd like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says there's a vampire in his closet. 'OH SH*T EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN'. Be f*ckin' dad of the year right there."

"Puppets are awesome. The end."

"John said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what?"

"The problem is I am up to my godd*mn neck in f*cking puppet dong."

"PUPPETS. AWESOME. THAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER."

"It's so cool getting h*lla chumped by your coquettish d*mn riddles all the time."

"I don't know why I believe anything you say I'm like the grand marshal of gross chumpage, waving around my f*ggoty chumpductor, baton, assistant director of chumpography, celebrated author Ernest Chumpingway. Wait weak. Chumpelstiltskin....uh chumpeldipsh*t. Yeah."

"Seriously I'm sitting here tonight with a f*cking bag of kibble jacked open on my lap and primed for godd*mn bear."

"Btw my name is Akwete Purrmusk, hardest buttock in the jungle."

IF YOU DON'T LOVE DAVE STRIDER, YOU DON'T HAVE A SOUL.